Discernment Counseling Resources
Do You Have Couples In Your Congregation On The Brink Of Divorce?
As a leader in your community of faith, people turn to you for comfort, wisdom, support and guidance. Often, they reach out to you during a crisis with a great deal of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. Discernment Counseling is an excellent resource for these situations–either by making a referral to a certified DC therapist like me or by learning more about the Discernment Counseling yourself through some free training resources to help equip you for these critical situations.
In addition to free pastoral training, I also offer a training resource for your staff and congregation called Marital First Responders. This workshop helps members of your congregation, including your team, to be better equipped to help couples in marital distress. It is specifically designed for those who get the “first call” when something goes wrong in a marriage. These friends, family members and colleagues are in uniquely important positions of influence and it’s often very difficult, even for professionals, to be confident in responding to those we love and care for in these situations. This workshop is typically offered on a Friday evening and Saturday morning at a nominal cost to participants. If you are interested in learning more about this workshop, please contact me.
Pastoral Discernment Counseling Protocol
The Pastoral Discernment Counseling protocol came out of a think tank Bill Doherty, Ph.D., led with eight pastors over a two-year period where they had the chance to try it out and refine it. It’s a focused, one-session protocol where you spend time with the couple together and with each spouse separately. You don’t try to help them solve their problems, but instead you try to slow down the divorce train, instill hope, and help them decide whether to make serious joint effort to work on their problems with a couples therapist—or whether to do additional Discernment Counseling with someone trained in the therapist version of that protocol.
Video created by Dr. Bill Doherty of the Doherty Relationship Institute
If you have a couple that might be a good fit for Discernment Counseling, please ask them to visit this website to learn more about this specialized service and to get started. If you aren’t sure the couple is right for Discernment Counseling, please contact me via phone or email, I will respond as soon as possible. If you are interested in receiving referrals from me for clients choosing to move toward separation or divorce, please click here so I can include you as a resource to these couples.
I typically connect with a referral within 2 business days.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling offers a short-term, focused approach to help couples decide on the future of their marriage. It's designed for couples where one partner is “leaning out” of the relationship and unsure if couples therapy can help, while the other is “leaning in” and committed to saving the marriage.
How Does it Work?
Couples start with a 2-hour session where both partners have individual conversations with the counselor.
After that, couples may choose to schedule up to five total sessions. Each session is structured to help them understand their respective roles in the relationship and gain clarity about their options moving forward.
What Makes Discernment Counseling Different?
Discernment Counseling isn't traditional couples therapy. Instead of focusing on improving communication or resolving conflicts, it helps couples gain a deeper understanding of what went wrong in the marriage and whether it can be repaired. The focus is on self-reflection, personal responsibility, and clarity.
Is Discernment Counseling Right for Your Client?
Discernment Counseling is not recommended if:
One spouse has already made the decision to divorce.
One spouse is being pressured to participate.
There's a risk of domestic violence.
Possible Outcomes
Stay married without further intervention.
Separate or Divorce
Commit to six months of couples therapy, with no discussion of divorcing during that time, focusing on personal growth and change.
It's a free training
and easy to get started.
But first, here are two common approaches that do not work well, that lead to the development of the Pastoral Discernment Counseling Protocol
APPROACH 1:
Give an immediate referral, usually on the phone, without offering your pastoral presence to a hurting couple or individual.
APPROACH 2:
Try brief marriage counseling, maybe a couple of sessions that don't go well with crisis couples, and then try to refer them.
The couple is already demoralized and now feels they have to start over again. And you're not feeling so good either.
APPROACH 1:
Give an immediate referral, usually on the phone, without offering your pastoral presence to a hurting couple or individual.
APPROACH 2:
Try brief marriage counseling, maybe a couple of sessions that don't go well with crisis couples, and then try to refer them.
The couple is already demoralized and now feels they have to start over again. And you're not feeling so good either.
Marital First Responders is a breakthrough way to help marriages by tapping into the power of their support networks—the people who care about them. This is a legacy project for Bill Doherty, Ph.D. and made available for FREE to you through The Doherty Foundation.
The Pastoral Discernment Counseling Protocol is a free training resource developed by the founder of the Discernment Counseling model, Bill Doherty, Phd. Dr. Doherty has been a marriage therapist, teacher, and researcher for over 40 years—after a stint in a seminary. In recent years, he has developed a new way to help couples who have fallen through the cracks of our counseling system: crisis marriages where on spouse is leaning out of the marriage and the other wants to save it. The new approach is called Discernment Counseling, and this is the website where therapists get their training, in an online, 20 plus hour course.
Marital First Responders is a breakthrough way to help marriages by tapping into the power of their support networks—the people who care about them. This is a legacy project for Bill Doherty, Ph.D. and made available for FREE to you through The Doherty Foundation.
Krista is able to facilitation this training for your congregation!
The Core Principles of
Discernment Counseling
Marriage
Lifelong commitment is challenging but important to pursue before giving up. Children's well-being is deeply connected to their parents' relationship.
Healing in Therapy
Many marriages can be restored to health with the support of therapists, family and friends. As a Discernment Counselor, I am here to help couples understand whether this path is possible for them.
Divorce
While some divorces are necessary, many could be prevented if both partners work on their marriage before it’s too late. If divorce is chosen, therapists provide resources for a fair and healing process.
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