Discernment Counseling Resources
Divorce Lawyers Can Benefit From
Discernment Counseling?
YES!
If you have a client who finds themselves on opposite sides of the decision to stay married or separate, Discernment Counseling may be a unique way to help. When one spouse is unsure about staying in the marriage and the other is eager to work on it, this service helps them both explore their feelings in a safe, structured environment. It accepts the natural ambivalence they may be feeling and provides support for both partners.
Lawyers and mediators report couples who come out of Discernment Counseling are much easier to work with and the entire divorce process is smoother and more peaceful.
Founder of Discernment Counseling Bill Doherty, PhD.
If you have a couple that might be a good fit for Discernment Counseling, please ask them to visit this website to learn more about this specialized service and to get started. If you arenβt sure the couple is right for Discernment Counseling, please contact me via phone or email, I will respond as soon as possible. If you are interested in receiving referrals from me for clients choosing to move toward separation or divorce, please click here so I can include you as a resource to these couples.
I typically connect with a referral within 2 business days.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling offers a short-term, focused approach to help couples decide on the future of their marriage. It's designed for couples where one partner is βleaning outβ of the relationship and unsure if couples therapy can help, while the other is βleaning inβ and committed to saving the marriage.
How Does it Work?
Couples start with a 2-hour session where both partners have individual conversations with the counselor.
After that, couples may choose to schedule up to five total sessions. Each session is structured to help them understand their respective roles in the relationship and gain clarity about their options moving forward.
What Makes Discernment Counseling Different?
Discernment Counseling isn't traditional couples therapy. Instead of focusing on improving communication or resolving conflicts, it helps couples gain a deeper understanding of what went wrong in the marriage and whether it can be repaired. The focus is on self-reflection, personal responsibility, and clarity.
Is Discernment Counseling Right for Your Client?
Discernment Counseling is not recommended if:
One spouse has already made the decision to divorce.
One spouse is being pressured to participate.
There's a risk of domestic violence.
Possible Outcomes
Stay married without further intervention.
Separate or Divorce
Commit to six months of couples therapy, with no discussion of divorcing during that time, focusing on personal growth and change.
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Learn more about
Discernment Counseling
training and classes
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Free
3-Part Training Series
β’How to best help mixed agenda couples (one of the hardest couples we face as therapists).
β’The three emotional stances of mixed agenda couples.
β’How to bring clarity and confidence to the couple about the direction of their relationship, based on a deeper understanding of whatβs happened to their marriage and each personβs contributions to the problems.
I'M READY TO LEARN MORE! TAKE ME TO THE FREE TRAINING!
The Divorce Ambivalence Intake Protocol
for Divorce Lawyers and Mediators
Discernment Counseling offers a free, 3-hour online training that gets you immediately started on a very short (7 minute) addition to your usual intake process. It consists of brief written questions and several follow up questions to ask prospective clients during the first meeting. The questions are designed by fellow divorce professionals and used with every new client. The goal is to ensure both people are ready for a divorce and you can proceed without stalling, emotional outbursts, and all the other ways couples engage you when one is not ready to call it quits or neither of them are completely doubt free.
This free training helps you recognize the ambivalence in the couple, before they are far into the divorce process.
Our lawyers and mediators report couples who come out of Discernment Counseling are much easier to work with and the entire divorce process is smoother and more peaceful.
The Value of a Referral for Discernment Counseling
Referring clients for Discernment Counseling can help them make well considered decisions about their relationship
If couples choose to divorce, they are better prepared for a smoother, more peaceful process. The goal is to support the most family-friendly path forward, no matter the outcome.
Lawyers, mediators and collaborative law professionals find that Discernment Counseling leads to a more cooperative divorce experience.
As a Discernment Counseling Informed divorce professional. You will serve as a referral point for therapists and be part of a collaborative network of professionals with shared values for couples and families at a critical time in their lives.
Create Long Term Referrals with Couples Therapists In Your Area With Couples Ready for An Amicable Divorce
There are three things divorce lawyers, mediators, and therapists have in common:
most of us do NOT like marketing
many of us find networking across professions a bit like a blind date: it could go well, but itβs generally pretty awkward to βsellβ ourselves as a referral
we want couples emotionally ready for our service, not stalemating about whether to be in our offices (30% of couples who come to a lawyers office or therapists office are not ready for us. More on that below.)
Our goal is to fix all three of the above, shared commonalities. With ease!
I'M READY TO GET REFERRALS! TAKE ME TO THE FREE TRAINING!
Uniquely Able to Serve Divorce
Professionals AND Therapists Together
I believe Discernment Counseling is a vital service for couples on the brink of divorce. This is a specialty of my practice. I am a certified Discernment Counselor and one of only six professionals to have completed a year-long residency program with the founder of the model, Dr. Bill Doherty. I have focused on this work because I think it so valuable. Itβs designed for the very frequent situation where one person is seriously considering divorce but isnβt sure if thatβs the right path, nor are they sure if working on the marriage in traditional counseling is the right path. Meeting that person, and their often very upset spouse, together in a unique format allows for each spouse to explore what has happened to their marriage to get to this point and how each have contributed to the problems.
The goal is, in 1-5 sessions, deciding one of three paths: Path 1, status quo (about 12% of couples chose not to divorce nor work on their marriage), Path 2, separation/divorce, and Path 3, an all out effort at couples therapy alongside any other treatment that may be indicated (substance abuse help, for example.)
Of the couples who go through Discernment Counseling, a 40-50% of these couples end up divorcing, which is where YOU are needed as a solid referral. Our trained lawyers and mediators report these couples are much friendlier, more calm and ready for the divorce ahead, as compared to one being dragged in to an unwanted, undiscussed divorce.
Even couples who choose Path 3 for couples therapy, end up deciding to divorce. In those cases, itβs often less difficult and both partners are ready to work toward a family-friendly dissolution.
The Core Principles of
Discernment Counseling
Marriage
Lifelong commitment is challenging but important to pursue before giving up. Children's well-being is deeply connected to their parents' relationship.
Healing in Therapy
Many marriages can be restored to health with the support of therapists, family and friends. As a Discernment Counselor, I am here to help couples understand whether this path is possible for them.
Divorce
While some divorces are necessary, many could be prevented if both partners work on their marriage before itβs too late. If divorce is chosen, therapists provide resources for a fair and healing process.
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